the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize