I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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