im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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