can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
