Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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