He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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