What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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