I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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