a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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