the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
