I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
