Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
