My balls are so social today.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
