"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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