No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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