I think my fart just growled at me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
