dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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