Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
