So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
