My underwear smells like fireworks.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
