It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
there is puke in my bra ... again
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