So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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