woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
