I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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