I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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