just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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