Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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