I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
