Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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