He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i drank out of a bidet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
