Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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