I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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