I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
