can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
