party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was born a porn star she said
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize