I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
