Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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