The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
