Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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