Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
they need to just BURY HIM!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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