so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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