its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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