Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
