I accidentally burped into my bong.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
