It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the liver wants what the liver wants
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He did a backflip because drugs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
