i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
