Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
