when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
