We're facebook friends in real life
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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