the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
