I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
