I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
