Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize