make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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