Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
