He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
