hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Drunk is not a location!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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