This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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