I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.