Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?