Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I AM VODKA MAN
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.