I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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