I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
