I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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