Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
