I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My pussy is not your playground.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
