how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
