I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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