Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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