What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
